Consumed with Me

You know those days when you try to blame someone else for your bleh mood?

My personal bleh mood defined:
Going days/weeks/however long without facing my frustrations and emotions.
Trying to power through my weaknesses without really addressing them fully, but pushing them down so I can be perceived as strong and together (together and Mom, not synonymous, p.s.).

I was in a funk 2 days ago, again. Crap. I was fighting it, suppressing it, and secretly hoping God would SHIZAM a good attitude into my bones so I could be a good Mom and Wife. Easy way out for 1 please??!!

Nope. Drew and I had a date night last night and I was still lackadaisical, insecure, bleh. 
After trying to blame him for my funk 16 times, he decided to speak truth. That it was ME who was in the funk, not him. (Gosh darn, he is pretty much ALWAYS absolutely right.)

Over a wonderful dinner at Seasons 52, one of our favorite spots, we finally put words to my funk...I was being selfish, egoistic, thinking of me and only me.

How can I get out of the house today?
How can I relate to my friends better?
How can I get my workout in?
How can I make money?

All I statements, not bad..but when they are ONLY things you are thinking about, you get consumed in nothing else but (drumroll please....) YOURSELF!
It's horrible, but it's so gosh darn easy to do. One of Satan's little tricks. Damn him.

I have not been serving, I have been thinking of ME.
I have not been calling my friends to see how they are doing, I have been thinking of ME.
My trials. My growth. My struggles. My time.
Bleh.
I'm done.
Time to be others-focused.

Thanks for letting me rant : )
JH