Being a Mama

If I told you I had this mom thing together and all dialed in, I would be lying. 

Yesterday, I had a minor meltdown. 

Let me explain. 

4th of July...a holiday where the sun shines bright and everyone gets to show off their bronzed skin and fun holiday recipes. One of my favorite days over the past few years. 

I woke up for the third day in a row with a fever due to my Mastitis (a breast infection). I decided to be "super mom" and put Reese in her cute red, white, and blue outfit and go join in on the fun. 

She had a great nap so I figured it was perfect time to hit up a nearby block party. 

We hadn't been there for 5 minutes when she was OVER it. I'm talking-screaming-fussing-body-jolting- over it. I attempted to smile through it as I engaged in conversation with my single friends as they sipped their cocktails. My body temperature was rising with every well meaning, "what's wrong with your baby, why is she so sad, poor thing!!??" comment. 

I tried everything. Reese just didn't want to be there. I did, she didn't. I wanted to sip Margarita's and sit poolside. She wanted to be at home, playing on her mat. 

We left soon after and I drove away. Fighting off my selfish feelings and trying to remember my priorities. I love this girl to death, but can't she just let Mama mingle with her friends for a few minutes?? I had a soul-searching next few minutes. Asking God to fill my heart with peace and contentment. To rid my heart of jealousy and selfishness. 

We got home and I put Reese down on her mat, her favorite spot in the house. She smiled, she laughed, and I kissed her little cheeks. Laying on the ground with her, I decided it was okay for me to battle this. For me to process being a young mom when hardly any of my friends have even considered having kiddos. This is my life. God's timing, my life. My little girl, my life. 

Being a Momma is a daily sacrifice, a daily peace offering, an unexplainable joy, It's funny how most great things require sacrifice, and time. Marriage, saving money, eating healthy, loving others, putting God first. 

As I feel myself growing, I am learning. How to be selfless, how to be present in the moment and not wish for anything else. 

Cheers to the growing process. 

JH