Consumed with Me

You know those days when you try to blame someone else for your bleh mood?

My personal bleh mood defined:
Going days/weeks/however long without facing my frustrations and emotions.
Trying to power through my weaknesses without really addressing them fully, but pushing them down so I can be perceived as strong and together (together and Mom, not synonymous, p.s.).

I was in a funk 2 days ago, again. Crap. I was fighting it, suppressing it, and secretly hoping God would SHIZAM a good attitude into my bones so I could be a good Mom and Wife. Easy way out for 1 please??!!

Nope. Drew and I had a date night last night and I was still lackadaisical, insecure, bleh. 
After trying to blame him for my funk 16 times, he decided to speak truth. That it was ME who was in the funk, not him. (Gosh darn, he is pretty much ALWAYS absolutely right.)

Over a wonderful dinner at Seasons 52, one of our favorite spots, we finally put words to my funk...I was being selfish, egoistic, thinking of me and only me.

How can I get out of the house today?
How can I relate to my friends better?
How can I get my workout in?
How can I make money?

All I statements, not bad..but when they are ONLY things you are thinking about, you get consumed in nothing else but (drumroll please....) YOURSELF!
It's horrible, but it's so gosh darn easy to do. One of Satan's little tricks. Damn him.

I have not been serving, I have been thinking of ME.
I have not been calling my friends to see how they are doing, I have been thinking of ME.
My trials. My growth. My struggles. My time.
Bleh.
I'm done.
Time to be others-focused.

Thanks for letting me rant : )
JH

That's What She Said

At a dear friend of mine, Anna's wedding. 

I got to hold precious little Olive! Angel's sweet baby

Hanging out at home. Very stunned by the whole thing, really. 

I am a words person.
Finding the perfect word to describe an emotion makes my day.
Hearing encouraging words from people I love shoots me to the moon with excitement.
Things people say, a huge deal. My love language is "Words of Affirmation." Shocker!
Yep, this is a total feminine quality of mine and I couldn't be more proud : )

Here is my first rendition of a series I am calling,
 "And I Quote"

"I wish we could have her out here in the hallway so we could just watch her sleep." - My sweet husby referring to our daughter. Can he get any sweeter?

"We just ran out of iced coffee, can I get you something else...?!?!" -Barista at Starbucks after I had already paid. Whhhuuuut, I don't understand!!

"Can I use this 40% off Yelp check-in offer?"- Me, after I unashamedly (not really) checked in to "A Touch of Romance" Awkward.

"Everyone come in here and look at my chub thigh's!" -Reese

"Did you have any dreams?" -What my husband asks our 3.5 month old daughter every morning.

"Let's be more edgy" -Me to my husband.

"Should I start the coffee or hope she goes back to sleep?" - My husband at 6am when Reese started stirring.

"I don't like my bed! It's lonely and boring...hold me!"-Reese

"I must have not been looking!" - To the room of people who watched me walk straight into a screen last night. (Insert beat red face HERE)

Have a fab, fab day. Seriously, be fabulous.

JH

Personal Training.

Hey y'all. Just a quick post to say I am 2 weeks into studying for my Personal Training certificate!

I am so excited to start this new chapter in my life, as it is something I have wanted to do forever.

Please give me advice if you have taken the test, I would love to hear from you guys.

JH

Being a Mama

If I told you I had this mom thing together and all dialed in, I would be lying. 

Yesterday, I had a minor meltdown. 

Let me explain. 

4th of July...a holiday where the sun shines bright and everyone gets to show off their bronzed skin and fun holiday recipes. One of my favorite days over the past few years. 

I woke up for the third day in a row with a fever due to my Mastitis (a breast infection). I decided to be "super mom" and put Reese in her cute red, white, and blue outfit and go join in on the fun. 

She had a great nap so I figured it was perfect time to hit up a nearby block party. 

We hadn't been there for 5 minutes when she was OVER it. I'm talking-screaming-fussing-body-jolting- over it. I attempted to smile through it as I engaged in conversation with my single friends as they sipped their cocktails. My body temperature was rising with every well meaning, "what's wrong with your baby, why is she so sad, poor thing!!??" comment. 

I tried everything. Reese just didn't want to be there. I did, she didn't. I wanted to sip Margarita's and sit poolside. She wanted to be at home, playing on her mat. 

We left soon after and I drove away. Fighting off my selfish feelings and trying to remember my priorities. I love this girl to death, but can't she just let Mama mingle with her friends for a few minutes?? I had a soul-searching next few minutes. Asking God to fill my heart with peace and contentment. To rid my heart of jealousy and selfishness. 

We got home and I put Reese down on her mat, her favorite spot in the house. She smiled, she laughed, and I kissed her little cheeks. Laying on the ground with her, I decided it was okay for me to battle this. For me to process being a young mom when hardly any of my friends have even considered having kiddos. This is my life. God's timing, my life. My little girl, my life. 

Being a Momma is a daily sacrifice, a daily peace offering, an unexplainable joy, It's funny how most great things require sacrifice, and time. Marriage, saving money, eating healthy, loving others, putting God first. 

As I feel myself growing, I am learning. How to be selfless, how to be present in the moment and not wish for anything else. 

Cheers to the growing process. 

JH